Feel like going home, wait i already am…*sigh*

3 03 2008

Morning, the update yesterday was a little wank, still I made some good points, and thinking last night i was starting to think what my friend Kat was saying was true, all those times in the past, i feel bad now for trying to persuade her otherwise about the guy and ‘help’ her, eventually we all end up in the same boat, well characters like me and her at least, people who wear their hearts on their sleeves http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wearing+your+heart+on+your+sleeve

At least i can talk here about how its bugging me as no one reads this rag, but im just tired of life going round in circles, of course what happened on Saturday night doesnt usually happen to me, especially to be validated by someone you care about, that was so special to me, and however sad that might seem i will never forget that night, and as people remind me im not getting any younger, i can still see me make the right choices regardless of how long my youth holds out for, shame they dont count for zip. I’m not putting down my over emotional shit down to alchol, three pints doesnt equate to blind stupidty, and its a shame that the other person puts it down to do that and hides some of the truth (which is somewhat true to the extent of a lapse in Judgement that ‘Euphoric’ Alchol consumption brings) but what they want to say still comes out, uncensored.

But maybe i still have to grow up, i know what i’d have done now already in the past to avoid getting hurt, but am i getting hurt because ive made the choice to continue. Of course its effected conversation, i cant seem to hold that many thoughts in my head when the main overiding one is stairing me in the face, sleep..lots of nightmares at the moment, one real creepy horror one about Adolf Hitler visiting a house in Bavaria and being possessed by a Daemon that was stalking this families residence, it was a bit of a mix of when an inspector calls, the exorcist, the Exorcism of Emily Rose and that horrible puppet from Saw type thing. Basically the movie, as i now dub it would take place during his rise to fame in the NSDAP, during a tour of the state of Bavaria , Hitler and a small group of his early advisors would request shelter from a storm in a local town house, the residents are rather dubious of the guest and his timing as ‘un-natural events’ have been occuring around their property. As the guests are welcomed and begin to settle in one of the advisors hears wispering all around him, it starts off low and builds up to a monumental level, a voice shows begins to convince him that his life should be ended for the better, the Daemon then reveals him the future, the horror that his party and leader would inflict on the world, a test, as the morality of the advisor catches up, just as the walls turn to a small barbwired pen in the middle of nowhere with prison guards in Grey uniforms heckling him and geering him, with his mind breaking at other horrors being shown to him he reaches out to a freshly hung noose and hangs himself…

Anyway i have to go to uni…rofl

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